Friday, 22 June 2012

Feeling very unmotivated

I really don't know what to say right now. I don't like my life and I want to make something out of it. I guess I grew up thinking that I could be someone great but never realized the great effort that had to be put into it. I wouldn't say I'm spoiled but I would agree that I was probably unknowingly sheltered from reality of things. It's a weird feeling. I know I want to make a change but I end up playing video games during the school holidays.

From all the moments that I have had holidays, this is the first time I have been "self aware" of my actions. I really want to change. I really do. I don't know why I feel less than other people. I feel like I don't get how they are motivated to find a job when all they'll be doing is something they hate. I'm talking about holiday jobs here. I guess I am afraid to do something that people who succeed in the real world are able to do. I am afraid of getting up in the morning to go for work. I love sleeping in. This is what I fear most about my future. I know myself too well that I may end up just being very miserable and unmotivated to go to work...that is, if I get a good job in the first place.

This is probably why I got into blogging, hopefully to get some incentive to work or earn a bit on the side knowing I am not completely screwed with a fixed income. I have the drive in my head, but my body refuses to move due to the fear of failing miserably. I hate fear. I am scared of failing.
What am I supposed to do? I have so many hopes and dreams that I know I can accomplish only if I let go of the computer. The internet has a hold on me. Forums and video games and Facebook.

I know anyone who may stumble upon this blog post might know how I feel. I really do hope this blog helps me express my feelings about my life and finally pushes me to change my lifestyle for the better. I could say I am addicted to this lifestyle of waking up at 10am and spending 4 hours on the computer first thing in the morning before doing something else. I see all these successful people and when I try my best to be productive for a day, I ask myself, "is success really worth it if I am suffering here"? This is when I realized that life is indeed difficult.....or is it because I've been trapped in this lazy lifestyle for such a long time that it is extremely difficult to get out of it.

I just turned 20 and I wish to be a more productive person. I want to own a business and not work 40 hours a week with a boss looking over my shoulders. Working at Mc D wasn't so good and I'd actually want to work 60 hours a week if it means I am my own boss. Again I dream of owning something yet I'm not doing much at the moment because of fear.

If I could go back in time, I wouldn't even go near a computer. I would only sit for a while instead of spending hours. I have spent so much wasted time on the computer, I could've mastered a skill like singing or playing an instrument. I would've at least probably had the chance to cash in.

I also know that I cannot keep looking back. This is another attempt at being more productive. This hurts so bad. Internet addiction is extremely sad but I cannot waste my life like this. It hurts because I'm afraid I may never succeed in breaking it since I have tried so many times.

Depressing post of the year? Maybe.
Just reality in my case.

Good night.


The Avengers

So I haven't been blogging exactly. I guess my only excuse is laziness. Basement dweller much? hehe....
Anyways, exams just finished and I'm going to improve my life from now on. I guess I have tripped but I am willing to get back up.

So I'll be talking about The Avengers. I must say that I really enjoyed the movie, but I plan on watching it again to really appreciate it as much as other people do. I read online about how awesome it was but I guess the reason I was "let down" was because I expected something a bit more.....serious? I will mention what was awesome and what wasn't, in my opinion.

This is a SPOILER WARNING in case you haven't seen the movie. But if the title hasn't given it away yet, then this is the warning I guess.

Anyways on to my first point. Before the movie I didn't really like Hawkeye and Black Widow 'cause they aren't really major compared to Spiderman. Their uniforms didn't really stand out to me but I have to say the movie really used them wisely with the amount of time they had. The fact that Hawkeye was turned bad at the start was awesome. He looked badass with the coloured eyes and the silent obedience. I like how Black Widow really cared about him and I loved their history.

Captain America's leadership was pretty well portrayed and I love how Bruce Banner and Tony Stark bonded as scientists. That really helped put things together. Tony's humour was still spot on and Thor was surprisingly used well since it probably was very difficult to meld in a god who talks "fancy" compared to the rest of them. I am willing to ignore how he got back to our realm but I am pretty sure it was explained through some prequel comic book or something. I must admit explaining that would have been irrelevant since it wasn't his movie.

The part where I was put off a bit was when they were arguing in the helipad in a comedic manner. I usually expect to see scenes like that in a family movie starring <insert white comedian here> (Steve Martin maybe? I don't know. Too lazy to google it....or should I say "bing" it? :P). Alrighty then I could have ignored it and enjoyed that scene (which I did by the way) but another scene that was too light hearted was when The Hulk punched Thor and also the part where he threw Loki around. I guess the part where he punched Thor was a bit much for me but throwing Loki around was alright.

Those were the few scenes that broke the seriousness for me. I guess I went in expecting to see a movie about the Earth being in danger and them having no hope. But it seemed like they were having too much fun when fighting. A major problem I had with the movie was the part when they started fighting in the middle of the city. I must admit that if this movie came out before any of the Transformers movies I would have absolutely gone crazy over it. The sad thing is, I guess I was still traumatized over how "Dark Side of the Moon" killed quite a few brain cells after watching that movie. I officially detest huge war-like scenes in the middle of busy cities. I hate how the enemies weren't much of a threat. A bunch of nameless and faceless grunts. I know it is just an introduction to who they are and how they work together. I enjoyed that part but those little things got to me.

Generally I enjoyed the movie but I would have changed a few things. I don't know what exactly I would have changed but I would not have chosen the city fight scenes. I really hope that The Dark Knight Rises doesn't have a similar "destruction of the city" scene. I've seen the trailer and I've seen some scenes shot in the city but I hope they at least make it look less like Transformers.

I plan to watch the movie again and I will be back for a review.

Cheers people and stay safe.