27th January, 2012: I caught the lizards

I've been away for a while. I've been sick all this time and I'm feeling a lot better now. I think I was too careless with the gym equipment. All the bacteria must've got to me. I have no other explanation for my sickness. I was dealing with the equipment in a good way but I wasn't  really 100% careful with the germs and stuff.

Anyways, my last post mentioned lizards mating. I found those lizards a few days ago right in front of me. I know it's a bit creepy but I just feel like I have to get it done.

I have a feeling my few blog posts in the following days will be boring because school hasn't started yet. I've been dealing with depression a bit to be honest. I didn't have the motivation to get on here and write up blog posts because I felt really depressed. What is my purpose? What am I supposed to do? I feel trapped in my own world. I know there are other things I have to worry about and I am pretty fortunate to have all the things I have now but my standards are pretty high.
That is the danger of the way I think. I cannot appreciate, I do not work hard enough for things I want and when I don't like my current status, I get depressed. I know I'm pouring out my heart and all but I guess I haven't really improved on being a "basement dweller". I thought I could go far and push myself by learning many things but I feel stagnant.

I just had a shower and I told myself things will change. I think the thing that depressed me was being stuck at home and injured. No gym to boost my self esteem? Was it all just a distraction from reality all this time? Am I using the gym as an excuse for my "failure" in life?

I hope I can pick myself up and change for the better. I've got this and I am strong. I will not let myself down. I'm going to be productive and I will stop being the self-loathing person I currently am.
Anyways, here is the pic I took. Have a nice day, people :D

*pew *pew